DO I KNOW YOU

DO I KNOW YOU
By Dinesh K Kapila

I think it was WB Yeats who remarked something like " the centre does not hold and things fall apart'. Our present day competitive and goal oriented, as also work obsessed life style seems to cut us off from our relatives and friends alike. As the poet said of the political world, similarly the old generation, which is the epicenter of family life gets ignored in the pell mell rush of affairs. Gradually, the generations move apart as do the cousins of all grades and types. Even real brothers and sisters drift away, some do realize it but even in their sadness and realisation, the sheer pace and demands of sundry other issues pushes away any initiative to reach out.

A self confessed workaholic like me realised it rather harshly the other day. In fact it has set some gray cells thinking overtime as to whether I need to renew old ties on a priority basis. A colleague at the office had some work, which could be facilitated by some connections. The thought came to me, why not approach my cousin working in an elite software company located in the city beautiful itself, my home town. The phone rang accordingly at his residence, to be picked up by his sister. A smart, active & well educated lady, happily married to an army officer, blessed with two kids, she has been an active participant at weddings in our immediate family in the nineteen nineties. But then, we lost track of each other, though at the parental level, the being in touch process continued.

The conversation on the phone was something like this; from my side, is this number so and so. A rather formal and curt interrogatory "yes" was there from the cousin. This was of course understandable but not what followed. A second question from me, can I speak to your brother. The response was, " who is on the line ". Now my nick name is Danny, somehow I have always believed all relatives remember my nick name, so I responded with " hi, this is Danny speaking, are you not so and so". Absolute silence followed, while it sank in finally at my end that no connection was being established. Then I gave out my proper name, that is, dinesh Kumar Kapila, only to notice that even this did not register. Much to my embarrassment, the question came rather coldly and fast " Do I know you?". All this time my wife was watching me and rather enjoying my discomfiture. Now at last I had no option but to identify myself as son of General so and so from sector so and so and our relationship ! 

Eureka, the Buddha smiled at last. She immediately with a smile in her voice responded nicely and as the person I knew her to be. I did make fun of her and say that age had caught on with her, though in reality she is very much younger than me. But all the same I was squirming in embarrassment because though a relative, I was now not even a blip on her horizon. What had brought it about was nothing else but the "things drift apart and the centre does not hold" process. So caught up does a person become in the grind of assignments, targets, office priorities, transfers etc., that the nurturing of such relationships goes on the back burner. We should have time to stand and stare, to think and meet, to watch each others kids grow and know the softer side of life.

To top it all came the report from my sons school, he's done well, a topper, but the teacher would like him to loosen up. Now that's set me thinking rather hard and seriously. Ambitions, I sometimes feel, need not be restricted to the official part of life, there is a whole new world waiting for us out there. A balance has to be stuck by us and postponing the time to stand and share is a criminal offense.

But can I implement my resolutions, that is the million dollar question. The time to relax, to write an article or two, to speak and make informal conversation, to practice photography, the wish list just goes on and on. Now at the middle of India's average life span for a male, I think its not to late. Then the office dak just arrives with a loud thump, the paperwork is endless, and my reverie and thought process gets broken. The dak contains zillions of assignments, all urgent or ostensibly so, and off I go again immediately on the PC and phone! Somebody I feel had better guide me or teach me will power, a second or even third " do I know you" from a relative or friend would be most hurtful.

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Tailpiece - On Valentine's Day I sent off a message to friends - Henry Ford when asked about the secret of a successful and Happy marriage stated, 'stick to one model'!. Then ofcourse I wished all of them a Hapy Day with their valentine. 

This went off to about 50 friends or should I say SMS friends. The males would have been over 35 or so. 

I got back atleast 25 messages, mostly from males, and will you belive it, even those well above 50 years refused to agree!! From license to ogle is allowed to what not was all stated there, the point, to the males the message is not relevent. The ladies were all diferent and mushy. Talk about Gender biases and differences,  here's one for you !!.   Any responses.