A friend just related to me her tale of woe. Her younger sister was married to a guy from an apparently well placed family from Delhi but there were marital issues now. The usual aspects in an arranged marriage were all studied by formal and informal means known to all Indians prior to the marriage, the groom (profession, height, weight, qualifications, salary, company, horoscope, complexion, the way he smiled, features and such important traits), the family (community, religion, region of origin, relatives in various positions, age profile, number of brothers and sisters, father & mother dead or alive), culture (Indian Punjabi with a mix of Metro / liberal outlook), wealth (jewellery worn by the ladies, also known by deliberate references to gold and diamonds in conversations / discussions), residential property (the house they lived in plus gossip gathered or hinted at purposefully about other property), the number of cars, the servants serving tea etc.
The marriage was reasonably lavish as we Punjabis can never be satisfied, opulence has no limits and the closer you step to stupidity or madness in showing off beyond your means at marriages, the better it is. The girl’s family took the trouble to cater to all the whims and fancies of the groom’s family and the elders were nodding approvingly as the luxury cars from the grooms family rolled in with well dressed jewellery dripping matrons. Notably wealthy relatives or senior officers were all introduced around as symbols of success and achievement. Both sides were also sizing each other up warily all through the ceremonies to ensure about the wealth that was on show and also the amount being spent as unwisely as possible by enlarging the number of functions. After all we Punjabis are duty bound culturally to pretend any expenditure, no matter even if it was pinching and causing high blood pressure, was not at all problem as far as the public persona was concerned! All the gossip for a few weeks prior to the marriage and post it on both sides would only be of the food, the wealth on show, the cost of diamonds and gold sets worn by relatives, the cars and the arrangements, whether this marriage had overshadowed weddings of other relatives and so on . The bride and groom be damned!!!
The honeymoon was at exotic Mauritius after the lavish marriage. The girl’s family returned home very satisfied that their temporary cash bankruptcy was well worth the trouble. However the actual hints of problems started post honeymoon once the couple settled down in the joint family. The bride found her income being requested for by the father in law and a very tight budget at home. Tight lipped, the groom would avoid any discussions as to how a family with apparently so much wealth (cars, house, jewels, designer saris / clothes and eating out at expensive joints) was actually not having enough cash to even run the house adequately. Slowly it dawned on her; it was due to the most dreaded of the post liberalization syndrome to hit India, the equated monthly installment – the EMI. The family was hooked on loans and the entire family cash inflow was going towards meeting the EMIs. The marriage was organized on a personal loan, the cars were on loans, the honeymoon was on EMIs from a leading travel agency and the expensive clothes were on credit cards. The house itself, located in a tony neighbourhood was also on a highly leveraged loan. The newly wed girl was in tears as she related her tale to the elder sister. A temporary cash hand out had to be hastily arranged for the young girl.
I had all the sympathies but then as marriages moved away from known circles and wealth got all the respect, this was bound to happen. Every banker in retail has his own horror stories of apparently wealthy businessmen and sons of corrupt officials strutting around in public showing off their wealth and using all means, from humble supplications and powerful connections to offers of bribes to stave off the recall of loans due to lack of cash to repay. Such families can never be known for their true colours and the actual truth comes out often too late. The EMI does not lend itself to verification and even the informal channels famous in our country often fail at ferreting out the actual facts! As I discussed this with another friend in my evening walk, he told me about two such experiences known to him. The culprit is the EMI, the duped family often never realized that the loans were smoothening the process of marriage. Even marriages by affairs of the heart were floundering on the EMI issue as the actual facts came out only after a few months. As one bitter young person said to me, you romance, fall in love, marry and realize the car is on loan, laptop, LED TV and mobile on credit card, marriage expenses and furnishings on a personal loan, where the hell was the money to enjoy anything!!
I even recollect a tenant of my house at Panchkula, a roads and bridges contractor, he decided to move out suddenly after sharing a good relationship with me. As we chatted and I asked him about the reasons for moving out, he blurted out the truth, his son was in love with a girl residing in flat located close to my house (horrors, no even worse it was his worst nightmare, the dowry would be minimal and he would lose face). Then he gave me his new address, a six bedroom double storied house in another locality, I pointed out to him my own house was spacious with enough rooms for his family. The reply was candid, to attract wealthy families for his sons’s marriage, the house had to be even bigger, no matter if he paid double the rent, as he would shift out within a year post marriage !! I came away really educated and aware about the facts of life!!
Well friends watch out, the EMI is the new joker in the pack now !
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The marriage was reasonably lavish as we Punjabis can never be satisfied, opulence has no limits and the closer you step to stupidity or madness in showing off beyond your means at marriages, the better it is. The girl’s family took the trouble to cater to all the whims and fancies of the groom’s family and the elders were nodding approvingly as the luxury cars from the grooms family rolled in with well dressed jewellery dripping matrons. Notably wealthy relatives or senior officers were all introduced around as symbols of success and achievement. Both sides were also sizing each other up warily all through the ceremonies to ensure about the wealth that was on show and also the amount being spent as unwisely as possible by enlarging the number of functions. After all we Punjabis are duty bound culturally to pretend any expenditure, no matter even if it was pinching and causing high blood pressure, was not at all problem as far as the public persona was concerned! All the gossip for a few weeks prior to the marriage and post it on both sides would only be of the food, the wealth on show, the cost of diamonds and gold sets worn by relatives, the cars and the arrangements, whether this marriage had overshadowed weddings of other relatives and so on . The bride and groom be damned!!!
The honeymoon was at exotic Mauritius after the lavish marriage. The girl’s family returned home very satisfied that their temporary cash bankruptcy was well worth the trouble. However the actual hints of problems started post honeymoon once the couple settled down in the joint family. The bride found her income being requested for by the father in law and a very tight budget at home. Tight lipped, the groom would avoid any discussions as to how a family with apparently so much wealth (cars, house, jewels, designer saris / clothes and eating out at expensive joints) was actually not having enough cash to even run the house adequately. Slowly it dawned on her; it was due to the most dreaded of the post liberalization syndrome to hit India, the equated monthly installment – the EMI. The family was hooked on loans and the entire family cash inflow was going towards meeting the EMIs. The marriage was organized on a personal loan, the cars were on loans, the honeymoon was on EMIs from a leading travel agency and the expensive clothes were on credit cards. The house itself, located in a tony neighbourhood was also on a highly leveraged loan. The newly wed girl was in tears as she related her tale to the elder sister. A temporary cash hand out had to be hastily arranged for the young girl.
I had all the sympathies but then as marriages moved away from known circles and wealth got all the respect, this was bound to happen. Every banker in retail has his own horror stories of apparently wealthy businessmen and sons of corrupt officials strutting around in public showing off their wealth and using all means, from humble supplications and powerful connections to offers of bribes to stave off the recall of loans due to lack of cash to repay. Such families can never be known for their true colours and the actual truth comes out often too late. The EMI does not lend itself to verification and even the informal channels famous in our country often fail at ferreting out the actual facts! As I discussed this with another friend in my evening walk, he told me about two such experiences known to him. The culprit is the EMI, the duped family often never realized that the loans were smoothening the process of marriage. Even marriages by affairs of the heart were floundering on the EMI issue as the actual facts came out only after a few months. As one bitter young person said to me, you romance, fall in love, marry and realize the car is on loan, laptop, LED TV and mobile on credit card, marriage expenses and furnishings on a personal loan, where the hell was the money to enjoy anything!!
I even recollect a tenant of my house at Panchkula, a roads and bridges contractor, he decided to move out suddenly after sharing a good relationship with me. As we chatted and I asked him about the reasons for moving out, he blurted out the truth, his son was in love with a girl residing in flat located close to my house (horrors, no even worse it was his worst nightmare, the dowry would be minimal and he would lose face). Then he gave me his new address, a six bedroom double storied house in another locality, I pointed out to him my own house was spacious with enough rooms for his family. The reply was candid, to attract wealthy families for his sons’s marriage, the house had to be even bigger, no matter if he paid double the rent, as he would shift out within a year post marriage !! I came away really educated and aware about the facts of life!!
Well friends watch out, the EMI is the new joker in the pack now !
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