Eavesdropper Me! Absolutely Not!.
By Dinesh K Kapila
Eavesdropping is understood as defined as the act of secretly listening to the private conversation of others without their consent. It is commonly thought to be not really ethical and there is an old adage that "eavesdroppers seldom hear anything good of themselves...eavesdroppers always try to listen to matters that concern them’. Now maybe I ought to be discussing overhearing, but we will discuss this aspect later. The problem is that people seem to have forgotten the art of being discreet, of whispered or low voiced discussions or at least watching out as to who is around.
Now take this gem, a young newly married couple is walking in the park at the same pace as I am, I assume newly married as the bride is still wearing the bangles (churra) indicating her newly acquired marital status. Now the guy is cribbing about his lack of acceptability by his in laws and their culture and what not. We walk on and please note I am not eavesdropping, the groom is just unable to control his grievances and verbal diahorrea. Now the gem, the guy finally says loudly and emphatically, “stop defending your relatives, even your mom makes it evident she thinks I am a fool!” At this stage I decided to walk on swiftly as there was no way I could hear any more of the cribbing without guffawing loudly and helplessly rolling all over the park.
Then there were two self-important gentlemen (my adjective out of my natural ingrained politeness) who got out of the car with a red beacon and started walking in the park. The discussion was on real estate and the setting up of major project by a Gurgaon based real estate major corporate near Chandigarh. My ears still go red about the names of sundry senior politicians and bureaucrats said to be on the take and the methods of getting discounts in lieu of favours. I mean the two were just about oblivious to people around them or least bothered, it was a nonstop no holds barred laced with earthy Punjabi abuses discussion. Now would this be eavesdropping, I really cannot say, I am open to a debate. Or take two businessmen, one of them owning a hep hotel, describing how a certain senior government functionary had to be plied with high quality liquor before he agreed to discuss terms for favours!
Even airports seem to be afflicted by the bug. At Mumbai airport, stylishly sipping beer, an expensive handbag by her side, black stilettoes shining, manicured hands sporting flashy nails and gesturing wildly in the air, I quietly heard a purposely half-starved looking girl (In Mumbai looking famished is in or maybe indicates empathy with the actually famished millions) spout profanity and abuses and accuse her bosses of all sorts of misdemeanours over the mobile!. It was a most unique experience, I mean she was just about unconcerned about my presence, and at nearly six feet with a breadth to match, I am not really ignorable!
Daughters in laws are a favourite topic of oldies and relatives I have discovered and nor really in the sense of being complementary. I do not know but whenever I go for a quiet evening to a coffee shop of any premium hotel, I avoid tables by over six feet where oldish couples are sitting and discussing animatedly. Mostly its discussions on property, or why cannot she state her problem openly instead of throwing tantrums, she is not really adjusting to our culture, her dad has the money but clearly culture is missing, the list is endless. I am now an expert on such grievances, in fact be it a park or a simple food joint, daughters in laws are on top of the list of grievances discussed vociferously in India. The sons are angels of virtue or helpless dolts or innocent clowns as I hardly hear any adverse observations for them except how helpless they really are.
Next to daughters is laws in the gossip hierarchy are bosses, be they male or female, again in hardly flattering terms. Two middle aged teachers from an upmarket school once discussed their Principal in really sophisticated bitchy terms, it was an engrossing half an hour most informative discussion or rather grievance session for me. From her clothes to a rumoured affair, to playing favourites to her supposedly put on style, nothing was spared. I was spellbound by the sheer diversity of the issues which were cribbed about in a highly sophisticated and animated manner, even as they air kissed while saying goodbye it was with a promise to meet again as they really did not have time to discuss it this time!. Or then take a middle aged guy working for a bank who criticised his unreasonable boss and the lack of response from the top tier in all sincerity. Then when his wife asked him to take a stand atleast once, he blurted out, I want to but words just fail to come out and I feel like an illegitimate child (I am refraining from the actual word used in coarse Punjabi in the interest of sophisticated writing). The whole episode left me really amused.
There’s this young lady, said to be a model, walking a rigourous one hour daily every evening or so. She and her phone and are inseparable, her loudness control is missing and coupled with a deep voice, it goes booming all over. She once graphically described the models of Chandigarh as large in the chest (you get the point!), thin legged and with protruding bellies. She sarcastically added most could pass off as a few months into a pregnancy. Mind you, I am summarising the whole graphic talkathon, it was most informative on the lives of some of them, the off the record details of some pillars of society included.
I must add in the interest of maintaining an equi-distance in gossip, that wherever young or not so young ladies meet, the fun they can have discussing their in laws is just amusing, it’s a mix of malice, amusing stories and bemused tolerance with property again occupying prime time. Money really has wheels, if what I hear or rather over hear is to be believed. But the cake was a daughter in law discussing how her mother in law competed with her in the looks department and once even half stripped to show off her toned youthful body. How I remained stone faced at my table is a tribute to my resolute will power.
But the sad part is that the names are missing from these eavesdropped or overheard conversations. If I only knew the names, it would be so much fun and make the whole situation so much livelier. You get to hear excerpts only and the persons being referred to are hardly discussed or you may not know the ones who are actually gossiping. But it’s most entertaining as you do not mean to actually overhear, people just do not seem to have the antenna to detect guys like me. Lastly. I am leaving out the gossip shared amongst relatives at family get togethers, that is for another time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Dinesh K Kapila
Eavesdropping is understood as defined as the act of secretly listening to the private conversation of others without their consent. It is commonly thought to be not really ethical and there is an old adage that "eavesdroppers seldom hear anything good of themselves...eavesdroppers always try to listen to matters that concern them’. Now maybe I ought to be discussing overhearing, but we will discuss this aspect later. The problem is that people seem to have forgotten the art of being discreet, of whispered or low voiced discussions or at least watching out as to who is around.
Now take this gem, a young newly married couple is walking in the park at the same pace as I am, I assume newly married as the bride is still wearing the bangles (churra) indicating her newly acquired marital status. Now the guy is cribbing about his lack of acceptability by his in laws and their culture and what not. We walk on and please note I am not eavesdropping, the groom is just unable to control his grievances and verbal diahorrea. Now the gem, the guy finally says loudly and emphatically, “stop defending your relatives, even your mom makes it evident she thinks I am a fool!” At this stage I decided to walk on swiftly as there was no way I could hear any more of the cribbing without guffawing loudly and helplessly rolling all over the park.
Then there were two self-important gentlemen (my adjective out of my natural ingrained politeness) who got out of the car with a red beacon and started walking in the park. The discussion was on real estate and the setting up of major project by a Gurgaon based real estate major corporate near Chandigarh. My ears still go red about the names of sundry senior politicians and bureaucrats said to be on the take and the methods of getting discounts in lieu of favours. I mean the two were just about oblivious to people around them or least bothered, it was a nonstop no holds barred laced with earthy Punjabi abuses discussion. Now would this be eavesdropping, I really cannot say, I am open to a debate. Or take two businessmen, one of them owning a hep hotel, describing how a certain senior government functionary had to be plied with high quality liquor before he agreed to discuss terms for favours!
Even airports seem to be afflicted by the bug. At Mumbai airport, stylishly sipping beer, an expensive handbag by her side, black stilettoes shining, manicured hands sporting flashy nails and gesturing wildly in the air, I quietly heard a purposely half-starved looking girl (In Mumbai looking famished is in or maybe indicates empathy with the actually famished millions) spout profanity and abuses and accuse her bosses of all sorts of misdemeanours over the mobile!. It was a most unique experience, I mean she was just about unconcerned about my presence, and at nearly six feet with a breadth to match, I am not really ignorable!
Daughters in laws are a favourite topic of oldies and relatives I have discovered and nor really in the sense of being complementary. I do not know but whenever I go for a quiet evening to a coffee shop of any premium hotel, I avoid tables by over six feet where oldish couples are sitting and discussing animatedly. Mostly its discussions on property, or why cannot she state her problem openly instead of throwing tantrums, she is not really adjusting to our culture, her dad has the money but clearly culture is missing, the list is endless. I am now an expert on such grievances, in fact be it a park or a simple food joint, daughters in laws are on top of the list of grievances discussed vociferously in India. The sons are angels of virtue or helpless dolts or innocent clowns as I hardly hear any adverse observations for them except how helpless they really are.
Next to daughters is laws in the gossip hierarchy are bosses, be they male or female, again in hardly flattering terms. Two middle aged teachers from an upmarket school once discussed their Principal in really sophisticated bitchy terms, it was an engrossing half an hour most informative discussion or rather grievance session for me. From her clothes to a rumoured affair, to playing favourites to her supposedly put on style, nothing was spared. I was spellbound by the sheer diversity of the issues which were cribbed about in a highly sophisticated and animated manner, even as they air kissed while saying goodbye it was with a promise to meet again as they really did not have time to discuss it this time!. Or then take a middle aged guy working for a bank who criticised his unreasonable boss and the lack of response from the top tier in all sincerity. Then when his wife asked him to take a stand atleast once, he blurted out, I want to but words just fail to come out and I feel like an illegitimate child (I am refraining from the actual word used in coarse Punjabi in the interest of sophisticated writing). The whole episode left me really amused.
There’s this young lady, said to be a model, walking a rigourous one hour daily every evening or so. She and her phone and are inseparable, her loudness control is missing and coupled with a deep voice, it goes booming all over. She once graphically described the models of Chandigarh as large in the chest (you get the point!), thin legged and with protruding bellies. She sarcastically added most could pass off as a few months into a pregnancy. Mind you, I am summarising the whole graphic talkathon, it was most informative on the lives of some of them, the off the record details of some pillars of society included.
I must add in the interest of maintaining an equi-distance in gossip, that wherever young or not so young ladies meet, the fun they can have discussing their in laws is just amusing, it’s a mix of malice, amusing stories and bemused tolerance with property again occupying prime time. Money really has wheels, if what I hear or rather over hear is to be believed. But the cake was a daughter in law discussing how her mother in law competed with her in the looks department and once even half stripped to show off her toned youthful body. How I remained stone faced at my table is a tribute to my resolute will power.
But the sad part is that the names are missing from these eavesdropped or overheard conversations. If I only knew the names, it would be so much fun and make the whole situation so much livelier. You get to hear excerpts only and the persons being referred to are hardly discussed or you may not know the ones who are actually gossiping. But it’s most entertaining as you do not mean to actually overhear, people just do not seem to have the antenna to detect guys like me. Lastly. I am leaving out the gossip shared amongst relatives at family get togethers, that is for another time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments
Post a Comment