Fear

Fear

                         Dinesh K Kapila

Years ago, there were how many, let me count, yeah, ten of us cousins (all guys) walking down to my maternal grandfather’s mansion in Jalandhar late at night. It was a short walk from my grand uncle’s house post a wedding.   We came to a narrow alley opening onto a square. An old building, with windows open on the first floor, once a small hospital, overlooked the alley. We walked past, till one of us said that people who died in the hospital came out as ghosts (Bhoot) at night and that the place was haunted.  We ridiculed the idea, after all ten of us were walking down. Then one of the windows creaked, (surely the wind, but it was not windy, that much I remember still), it moved slowly outwards, we ran, just ran. We were from class six to class ten or eleven or so. Well, all ran, rather sprinted, and stopped only after we reached the mansion. Next, breathless,  we blamed each other for running first, ultimately accepting it was unnatural for windows to creak and that it was not fear but the unexpected sound which made us sprint like our lives depended upon it.  But it was certainly fear.

Fear, that’s the thought process, the emotion, somewhere deep down in our sub conscious, which impacts us, shakes us up, blocks our ability to take decisions (hence froze with fear) and keeps us awake at night. A loved one is unwell, specially if on the older side, we remain awake, fearful, about any untoward development. I notice that the night, the darkness, the silence, only accentuates fear. Nights kindle age old fears and breed insecurity, the imagination under stress can really play hell.   The day can pass, the night comes with foreboding; about what may happen. The rational part knows hospitals are under staffed at night, but still operational, but the fear makes us vest the night with foreboding. Ancient fears, deep inside us humans, surface on such occasions. I worked once in a major steel unit, a major water supply sub unit was rather isolated, the workman on duty stated he heard strange noises at night, the story spread, ultimately two men were put on duty and the lighting improved.  Their fear just could not be laughed away, no matter how irrational.  At Srinagar, the winters were grim, as the houses all around me were empty as people moved  away, once when rather grim sounds came from a nearby house at two am, my fellow tenants wife did not allow me to even switch on the lights to check. I was shouted at from their stairwell to just keep still. When floods threatened again in March 2015, the nights would not pass, in the day the contingency plans sounded ok in the day but at night it was just traumatic.   

Moving on, fear can be noticed at even funerals. Some close relatives simply stay away from where the body is placed, as though the relative, till the other day someone to meet fondly, is now something else. Some relatives sob incessantly, sometimes I wonder if it’s the loss which drives the emotion of weeping or at times is it intertwined with helplessness for facing the future, the fear of the un -certainity, the disruption of life as it is. Mostly it is heartbreakingly genuine, the grief, specially when a loved one passes away suddenly or at a young age or even otherwise.  But at times one is led to debate internally the actual emotions and the causes, specially if the relationship is not close or maybe somewhat arms length.  

At parties, it is often the fear of being seen as awkward or ungainly which keeps many from dancing. The best dancers are often those who overcome this fear and go into their own comfort zone. Many a student has quaked at the thought of speaking in public. The fear of being unable to speak to an audience or a major conference can render the brightest of students or even grown men to become tongue tied or unable to explain facts as they are.  The fear of being awkward with technology has prevented many a fifties and sixties born to avoid digital mediums. Many a romance would not have bloomed as the would be suitor was too fearful of rejection to articulate his invite even for a cup of coffee. I can add that many relationships have foundered as the fear of breaking down prevented a person from consoling a friend or relation.   

Likewise in decisions, fear may drive us onto the perceived to be safer but in hindsight the incorrect option. In the Military they call it the mask of command, the leader ultimately has to weigh each option and then order a course of action. Each leader has his role, the General in deciding which front to open up, the battalion commander on what would be the actual sites for action and the platoon commander sizes up his sub sector and options to go in. Leaders can be indecisive in fear, analysts have written that in the fog of war, some otherwise sound military leaders were unable to pass the orders to launch a particular course of action and lost a chance for a tactical victory. This explains why the Military puts a premium on controlling fear so as to groom decisive leaders.

In the business world, many an organisation has suffered if an indecisive leadership leads it at many levels. Opportunities are lost or not taken as the debate continues on “what if”, this fear at times prolongs the discussions and substitutes execution or action.  The organisation later pays for such lapses. Fear should not shackle us but can do so unless a concerted effort is made to face upto it, the decision will not occur. The fear of competition has prompted many a business to fold up before even analysing the alternatives.  

Now recent events have only underlined the adverse impact of fear which constrained us from mounting any action all these years against terrorists from Pakistan, they mouthed the threat of nuclear weapons for every minor issue and under it’s shelter carried out a successful low cost campaign against India. That bogey of fear had to be removed, to test and indicate while full scale wars certainly had to be weighed most cautiously but specific low intensity strikes could be resorted to. Our fears blocked the even weighing or analysis of these options.   Related to it, our fears were so magnified that we overlooked that the opponent who threatened us, that is, was the enemy himself ready for the consequences. After all, any war cuts both ways. The fear of war, maybe nuclear war, the fear of dying, reconciled us to meek acceptance without even exploring any alternatives. This mind set had to change, to decide that within a set of parameters, alternatives exist. So the moot point is, was the Indian cultural aspect of peace highlighted by our leaders just to cover up the fears magnified massively by them or a genuine belief in peace at any cost, no matter what the casualties and loss of face as a nation. The Pakistani establishment was certainly testing the Indian leaders the last thirty months, to check if they were also fearful enough as earlier leaders to give in repeatedly. Only now, the fear of public reaction seems to have brought about some cogent action.  

Likewise, is the film fraternity genuinely building a case for nation to nation unity by not only employing artists from Pakistan and including across the border romances in films or was it the fear of someone in Karachi. Having said that, the reluctance to even condemn the attack at Uri or to console but plead for business as usual, is the request based on the fear generated by purely commercial considerations (loss of revenue and sales) or is it based on the dynamics of genuine evolving relationships.  It is quite rare for film makers to go against the line openly, it seems the fear of commercial considerations drove the requests but camouflaged by statements that artists are not politicians.         

Fear in it’s multiple dimensions and impact on each and every aspect of our lives is integral to our everyday routine errands. It’s the fear of the unknown, what may have happened, if a child does not come on time from school or a youngster is late on a trip home on leave. The mind can play severe tricks on the body while we are in this category of fear.  Once, or rather more than once, while flying to Srinagar the aircraft was subjected to severe turbulence, I noticed first the passengers fall silent, nobody even looks at anyone, then if the turbulence continues and fear strikes deep ; the prayers start, each of his faith, sometimes loud and clear, then as the plane stabilizes, the shoulders slump in relaxation. People at this stage then even discuss loudly with strangers the option of coming by road and enjoying the natural beauty rather than flying !.  As an aside, we all know of a well known spiritual guru, when a neighbour fired at some stray dogs and a bullet grazed a devotee five hundred metres away from him, his smile and aura of peace vanished. It was fear, pure and simple. But couched in concerns for devotees.  

Coming to religion, is any organised religion so weak in it’s foundations that any untoward act requires an immediate resort to irrational bravado, violence and rioting. What is the fear, is it the fear of being overwhelmed by another religion, the fear of losing the essence of the religion or the fear of change in the world from the evolving of the religion and the impact of such changes. Whatever be it, the fears need to be rationalised by looking within oneself and one’s own religion and perhaps setting certain parameters for acceptance instead of inflexible rigidity. As too purity, I often wonder if we could tabulate data on arrests for corruption atleast in India, it’s a mix of every religion and ideology. We are truly very secular on crime and corruption. Only if we could be rational to ourselves, be sane and know where the truth lies would the mistrust reduce.  Be true to yourself and your belief and just respect the other’s belief, that’s all. Nobody is superior by his faith.    

Can we conquer fear, I would say no but we can certainly try our best to rationalise the process and plan alternatives. When floods were again imminent at Srinagar, around three am one night, all the lights of the houses still standing were on at Jwahrnagar. All residents were fearful, I sat alone and wondered what to do. Then Mr Farooq,  the landlord shouted down from his floor if I and Mr Joginder ( a fellow tenant) were awake. We certainly were.  After shouting consultations, we moved out in the pouring rain and parked our cars on a high road. Walking back in the cold rain, it was decided even if it flooded , Mr Farooq would ensure our rescue (he was moving out to relatives). Atleast it was a partial resolution and helped pass the time.  Action or planning for countering fear or being firm in the mind are clear alternatives to face upto our fears.  Be it in our lives or in organisations.  

I wonder if the views as above find resonance but all across the varied aspects of our lives, fear of failure (and strangely at times even success) and the fear of our emotions and imagination needs to be rationalised.   We have to face upto our fears. 

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