Harry and Meghan – Just Passing Time – Random Thoughts – The Indian Perspective !.

 

Harry and Meghan – Just Passing Time – Random Thoughts – The Indian Perspective !.

By Dinesh K Kapila 

Times are tough, the pandemic is fading but still upon us, and the economy is said to be quite affected.  My mind wanders to explore where is some relief. Now I got to thinking about Meghan and Harry Markle. This couple has caught the public eye after the voluntary stepping back from duties and the  interview, well planned and strategized, with Oprah Winfrey . and then it just went on and on. Meghan says she did not research on the Queen and the family, now that is her problem. Any person would do a reasonable amount of research on what marrying into a Royal Family would entail, specially one as prominent as the British Royal Family. I like the Prince, he seems wedded to the words, “Pain and Suffering” and also seems to have  dutifully reported to his wife all the comments made in any manner by his family or staff.  Discretion, it is obvious, is his very strong point, as also privacy, he values privacy so much that he is willing to share his views on being brought up in a Royal Family with the media readily.  Normally we had stories of Princesses feeling cloistered within the royal family conventions, this is a first, a Prince feeling the same. Maybe we can re-write the fables and fairy tales now.    

Meghan only had to approach any Indian Family for guidance on the matter. If nothing else the counselling would have been there and it would be effective too. Generations of Indians have lived as a Joint Family and it still continues in many parts, in any case we are always ready to be glued to each other. And the protocol required to move along while doing so.  This as most Indians would concede is a simple case of “Saas Bahu” tiff, the Mother in Law and Daughter in Law in an age old “power equation and acceptance” theory. The “Saas” in this case would include the Establishment around the Royals as it ensures continuity while changing imperceptibly.

There is a story about a Two Storied house in India, it could be anywhere in India, where a Joint Family or an Extended Nuclear Family lived, in a posh locality in a prosperous city. As related to me, the son lived with his newly married wife on the First Floor and his parents on the ground floor. One day a beggar decided to seek alms in that locality. When he approached the house, the daughter in law was standing at the gate tending to the flower pots. She politely but firmly told the beggar (or was it a wandering mendicant I do not recollect) that she did not believe in supporting the concept of giving alms to beggars and that he should try the other houses. The mother in law was watching this quietly from the lobby of the house and as the beggar walked away, she called out to him, this surprised the beggar. After all he had just been asked to move on, but he turned back, thinking that now he would get some alms from the older lady. The Mother in law, as he came near, told him rather rudely, you will get nothing here, but the daughter in law cannot say it, this house is mine, only I can say this !!!     

When you move to a large Royal Family perpetually running into each other, this power equation would always be in play. Common sense would dictate that, Enjoy the palaces and the gardens and the cars and the staff at the tax payers expense (mainly) and be aware but  then it comes with some baggage and restrictions and protocol. One has to go with the flow. In any case acceptance takes time, including I suppose, by the Establishment. Here, I certainly recollect a certain lady. From Chandigarh to boot. Successful in her professional practice and top of her game, a top gun so to say, and engaged in varied pursuits when not attending to her professional engagements. Her daughter in law is associated with her. In a professional capacity. So is the son. But lo and behold, the son is always accorded importance but the daughter in law is always in the background. Not even seen in the posts on the social media, if I do recollect correctly, she is simply absent ! And I found her more competent than the son. That is how this world is, East or West. Acceptance comes with time and some degree of giving in or how to put it, some remoulding by most parties. Which would include a guy like the Prince not having an urge to share every comment made by a family member with his wife !.

In any case, I was talking to a friend. Forget the jokes in the West about the potential mother in law telling her son, she knew which girl he liked and would want to marry, that would be the girl she did not like. As my colleague said, in India, the bigger truth is, let the potential father in law take the initiative and say to his wife that such and such girl would be ideal for their son as a wife, ninety percent chances are the wife will say not really, let us see.  She, the potential mother in law, would have the final say. That is the way it is. So the Sussexes may meet any Indian Families they know and seek the solutions through our fables and stories. This would include our obsession with complexion and its varied hues, homely, fair, very fair, somewhat wheatish, wheatish in some clothes and fair in some clothes etc etc. From Kashmir to Kanyakumari we are one on this, so guidance on the Ginger Complexion would be a given, after all we discuss this just right from the first glimpse of the baby or even a snap.   

All the same, we Indians have all are own versions to share about Joint Families. Mostly, after some “Rona Dhona” (crying and sulking) and a laugh or two after whatever led to it, we shrug it off. Or laugh it off, or live with it. My walks in the parks I frequent have educated me deeply, groups of mothers in law sharing grievances on daughters in laws, mother sharing just how the daughter is coping at the in laws place, daughters in law cribbing about mothers in law or docile sons, sons requesting wives or mothers to bear up etc. Its’s a huge canvas.

I know of ladies who changed dramatically after their mom’s inn law passed away. One was working all her life saying it gave her job satisfaction. The mom in law passed away, she resigned in no time ! Another stayed for years in another city altogether with her kids, there was speculation as to  differences between the husband and wife. The in laws passed away, the family is reunited !!   we could have taught so much to the Sussexes.

Stories abound in our spiritually inclined but daughter in law obsessed nation ! ok, I exaggerated a bit, but I do avoid sitting near serious faced couples or ladies at classy coffee shops or hotels. Chances are the discussion, I can bet on it by experience, are obviously about the daughter in law, is on, she cannot adjust, she just does not understand our culture etc !. But the best is what I heard in a park. A lady, middle aged, carrying prayer beads walks there frequently and apparently is praying or looking to God while walking. One day she was discussing with a friend the imperative need for finding a match for her son, it seems the young man had completed MBBS and was now trying for a Specialist line.
The lady had her priorities sorted out, she would be the decision maker, once marriage was done with no distractions and no possibility of someone not compatible with her and her comfort zone or culture walking in. Secondly her son had to be focused upon studies.
Therefore - The girl had to be nice, homely, from a good family but definitely NOT Pretty. A pretty wife would only distract her precious son and keep him preoccupied. Now was the time to study, work hard and start earning well. So a just average girl for the son!! Therefore just what are Harry and Meghan grumbling about. Its everywhere. The games and moves. 

Just to close off, right now the couple are on doing well, orchestrated interviews and a sizeable section of friends to tweet out support on all observations and comments. This is like the shoot and scoot guns, or an employee taking on the establishment by using his skills and information to draw publicity. But ultimately the slow moving establishment does catch up and respond or settle scores. So we need to watch this side show for some time. It’s got a potential for absolute top notch entertainment interwoven into it.

However, maybe if the young couple had approached Indian Families  and discussed this, the situation would have been different !. (I just had to update my piece)

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