Life Lessons Learnt from my Father
Dinesh K Kapila
A friend messaged me that a son’s relationship
with his father passes through the following stages, idolising, discord,
evolving, acceptance and legacy. I would modify it to say this could be a
pathway or rather one of the pathways certainly or more important, the degree
of each phase could vary. We as human beings undergo varied emotions and
environments in our formative years and each individual could look at it
differently within the normal bonds of this relationship.
My father has been a major inspiration in my
life, he has instilled in me the need to be committed, virtuous, the importance
of character, the need to bond with and build the family and the love of India.
A soldier, leader, writer, scholar, committed social worker, professor, advisor
to the government, I have seen him go through all these roles of life with
positivity, motivation, commitment and happiness. Major General Rajendra Nath,
PVSM (Retd), as he is known, Daddy to me and then over the years Dad. Always on
the go with tremendous energy and a can do spirit. Adversity would test him but
he would come out of it scarred but rearing to go.
The first Indian Army officer to reconnoitre
the Aksai Chin Area in 1952 on a top secret mission for three months, due to
the very nature of the renaissance and the findings, an award eluded him, he
took it in his stride. Later he would attend the Two Years Staff College course
at Canada, engage actively with the Pakistanis at Samba, go through every war,
conduct anti Naxalite operations, anti insurgency operations (the first unit to
enter Aizawl), commanded 62 Mountain Brigade in the 1971 war in
Bangladesh, Commandant IMA, was actively
involved in the turn of events to militancy in Punjab and later Chairman of a Corporation, introduced Military Studies
to Panjab University, wrote five books, over 850 articles and reviews etc. and
last but most important, headed the Society for the Blind for 38 years in Chandigarh and made it into an institute
of excellence with active support from donors.
His battle of Madhumati in December 1971 and the
crossing of the river at night on light tanks, with Dad himself sitting on the
leading tank with the squadron commander are now recognised as major
operations. It was not planned or anything, it was just what he thought he just
had to do.
For me, it’s a multitude of lessons for life.
The first is leadership, assume it with positivity and a heart. Own your team
and both the successes and failures. The buck stops at you only. And while
being tough on your subordinates who do not demonstrate commitment and
character, motivate the others and give them their due and at times a bit more
even. Take them along and watch the momentum carry the entire unit or formation
along, is his belief. Coach them, guide them, upbraid them if required but be
fair and correct always. Be consistent. And learn to manage your team
without regard to race, gender or
community. But ask for the best out of them and empower them. Trust and
delegate but check too. Assume the risks on their behalf and the officers and
men always knew he was there for them.
Once a commanding officer of a unit, a bit of a
stickler and tough guy, refused leave to a young officer. The young officer was
to get married. This was a battalion from his regiment. The young officer
pleaded it was his marriage and his parents required his presence for the
preparations. Well the young officer left
his leave application, took civil clothes from the ADC to my Dad and
went off. The officer was placed on
charge and recalled. My father, coming
to know about it, had the young officer marched up, first scolded the young
officer strongly, then ordered the commanding officer to sanction him leave for
two months immediately (Your CO is glad to sanction you two months leave
immediately) and ordered him to leave for his hometown by the first available
transport ! Such stories abound even now when people meet us.
Later, after the war, on the Western front, when
Dad was commanding 52 Infantry Brigade, at Palanwala, one of his officers was
sort of playing with a landmine, it exploded, injuring all his Brigade
Headquarters officers. He was away at the Divisional Headquarters. Moving
swiftly, he showed it as a demining injury, got the severely injured officer
suitably rehabilitated with a scooter agency and ensured all the injured
received Wound Medals. That is what I seek to highlight, a leader, and with compassion when required and the push
and the heave when required.
And retaliate he would to let his men know he
was there. Always. When his Pakistani counterpart troubled him with a close to
the border movement of the tanks every night, he sat on one his own tanks as
the LOC, and ordered them to rev up full throttle and move to the boundary and
then back. The opposite side was certainly panicky. When his opposite side
commander remonstrated, he was told, you
don’t trouble me, I won’t trouble you. But I will retaliate to every move with
double the intensity. It actually sent a signal down the lie to his own men.
When I was posted to Srinagar in 2013, Dad told
me, its not a place really now a days professionally or politically or risk
wise, you do your job diligently, without fear or bias and reach out to the
people you serve. This is your learning experience and you will learn that in
the toughest of places, residents recognise merit, commitment and passion. Give
it your best and do not listen to any negativity. From friends or relatives.
This advise stood me in good stead. All through the three plus years there.
My talks with him at the dining table and
during our long walks have always revolved around character, being a
professional in whatever you do or undertake, positivity and motivation. Plus
as I grew in my profession, the need to visualise what lay ahead and to plan
for it. Failures were to be dealt with by patience and an attitude of can do.
When Dad collapsed due to pulmonary odema in Sikkim in 1969 or so while
commanding a brigade, he required three months in hospital. Plus he was still
very weak when posted as BGS at Lucknow. He would walk to office and back,
holding a walking stick, taking rest in between and slowly built up his
stamina. And the inherent josh and joy of life.
The Society for The Blind was a different sort
of challenge but over 38 years it was
built into a vibrant Society with its own premises. This was primarily due to
the ability to mould together a rather diverse team into a cohesive group and
with a very good rapport with the stakeholders. He knew the teachers, staff and
students personally. All this in a honorary capacity.
Life is to be lived, with happiness and a can
do attitude, that is always the way he looks at it. Plus learn to move on.
Give each individual his due respect and
place has always been a very valuable lesson I have learnt from him. All are
human beings and come with the need to be respected as a person first. But there is no weakness
when it came to action, whether against terrorists, militants or the enemy
forces. The commitment to victory and even revenge (if it so required) would be
fiercely demonstrated. At each action.
The love for his wife (my late mother), his
family, his extended family and his grandchildren and now great grand daughter
(my grand daughter) has only taught me the happiness he has found in al of us
and the sustenance. That is a major lesson as I move along in life. And the ability to strike a relationship wherever
he went and interacted, people I don’t know ring up to ask about his health and
then tell me about some good advise he gave them once. Reading books has been his life long hobby and interest and a broad
range of subjects. They teach us so much
he would say .
I would say he is a gentleman soldier and as he
has aged and is ninety six plus years now, the twinkle in his eyes and energy
are still there. Around six years ago, one well known journalist interviewed
him and said to me he found him in the mould of a saint soldier. That I do not
know. But yes, a man of unflinching optimism, commitment to his profession and
family – its another matter he would forget
the class we studied in – and a astute leader. Calm,
resolute, strong willed. These
are the lessons I have drawn from him and still do so.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dinesh
K Kapila
Chief General Manager (Retd)
NABARD (National Bank for
Agriculture & Rural Development)
Chandigarh
Written in response to a friend. Who
said I should jot down this.
Tailpiece – I once took Dad for
check up to a leading cardiologist. They knew each other since long. The cardio
would talk to me only though I clearly told him you clarify what I ask by
looking at Dad and talking to him. I
know my father ! He then said now at 92 years (for your Dad) what do you want
me to say. Its like this only. Let him be. This was in 2019 or so. Dad suddenly got up and told him how dare you
write me off. Then walked off telling the nurse I will bury him before I go ! A
couple of colourful words in fluent English regarding the ancestry aspect also
flowed in. The painful lesson for the cardio was you never ever underestimate a tiger, not at any age !!
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