The Crux of
It – The Golden Years.
Dinesh
K Kapila
I am a little fed up. My friends and even acquaintances send me varied
posts on the Golden Years. and the later part of it. Many are gloomy or with dark shades of gloominess. Now by now most friends are mostly retired and
some a few year before me and some a little after me. The dark shades may vary
in intensity but there are still years to go. Considering the average life span
now. Can we live through so many years with dread. Only praying and meditating
and thinking through the scriptures – that is another often received advise. Along
with the need to know philosophy and what is life all about. The darker ones, as
I said earlier, are centred around the subject – How to be mentally ready for what
awaits us. In the long term but who has seen the long term, simply put, is
everyone seeing the long term !. Leave that aside, why it is a concern is because
one post says – be ready for whatever food you are served in old age, you are
lucky you have lived that long. That was way too much. I think we must counter this deluge of dark
shades of view. Not with an overdose of positivity but by staying in the real
world and considering some important aspects .
On this issue I certainly
do have a view after observing after coming across quite a cross section of people
across age groups and socio economic classes.
Plus as I am prone to, observing a few more people here and there.
The crux is -
Be sincere and happy in whatever you do.
Crib then crib sincerely.
Criticise then criticise sincerely.
If inclined to be negative in thoughts then be
committed to negativity.
If it’s the Club you like then be regular there.
If you like to write then write daily something
even if for yourself
If you like fine wines and the like, then enjoy as
a connoisseur
If it’s reading you like then read deeply
If you seek the Divine, seek it from deep within
Meet up once in a while with friends
And finally hope and pray you have good genes too !
Honestly, be sincere
about it. If India no good, then India no good. You like your beer, go ahead,
have it but at intervals. The club for cards, then just do it. If it’s the Ashrams,
get into the circuit. Stay active by this mode. And stay agile. Alive.
This is the essence of it. You do what you have to do. To stay engrossed
and occupied. Mentally and physically. Do not evolve into a bore though, that
is one crucial point, else your own pals will move off. Do not let your world
view or involvement in a subject or sector blind you to all the developments
around you. There is a lot that is happening, be aware and why ever not. Look at
our parents and uncles and aunts, starting from a world of a few automobiles
and limited communications, they witnessed the age of aircraft and jets, telecommunication,
computers, social media, mobiles and the like. I do feel many did adapt
successfully, even if there is a general befuddlement about technology. If they
can – the generation born in the 1920s to 1930s, if they could manage their way
through then so can we.
The one word I word say which captures it is being resilient. Simple as
that. Cultivate that as an ingrained part of your attitude. If that is there,
half the battle is won. A very good friend of my father, just passed away at
the age of ninety eight. A Retired General
like Dad, he was ill. On oxygen. Yet would take time out to ask about my
father’s health. He would remove his mask and say, “Danny, how is Raj”. Danny
is my nickname. Raj is my Dad’s name in short. I would answer and he would wear
his mask again. Then he would remove his mask again and talk some more. A real
feeling of respect was there, on oxygen for over a year, repeated visits to the
hospital, yet chugging along. Now that is resilience.
We also should not remember our beloved elders for the moments at the
end or the period towards the end when an illness or ailment will catch up. Remember
them for the period above that. The long period of activity and positivity. That
is the key. At over ninety years, my late mom in law was totally clued in as
regards her family and her great grand-daughter and even current affairs. When I
recovered from twisting my knee, she asked me to walk before her, so she could
judge for herself. The last period of life could be tough, at times very tough,
but let it not cloud our feelings for the oncoming years. Calculate the percentage of the tough period as
against the long period of being active and being a warm part of the family.
And do not slot yourself onto what society or social mores want you to
be. Do what pleases you. It is not a settled issue that being old implies
taking to the scriptures or religion. This has come down as some sort of a fixation
down the ages. And this only disturbs the elderly folk. My own mom, when
admitted a couple of times to a leading hospital, had only one complaint. She would lie down quietly watching the news or a song
or something, may be nod off in between, in would come a nurse, look surprised,
and change the channel to a religious or spiritual channel. Her point was, I will
watch this when I want to. I will discuss with the religious advisor when he
comes. But do not assume. That is the point. Our social norms tend to typecast
the elderly into – eat, pray, sleep, pray, “Bhagwan ka naam lo” and “pravachan”
- Take the name of the Gods and listen
to religious discourses. Life cannot be just that. For most.
We cannot and should not slot ourselves or allow it. Or to be typecast. What
suits you or entertains you, just do it. And do not allow yourself to be taken
for granted. Move with the times and one more point, don’t over do the nostalgia
part. Each period or a slot of forty to fifty years now brings its own developments and
perspectives. Flow with it. Do and absolutely enjoy the company of your
grandchildren and great grandkids. Its one of life’s most precious gifts.
As I said, do what you have to do. Plus resilience also implies get in
your quota of physical exercise. Walking. Exercising. Daily. Pamper yourself physically
and mentally. Stay positive in thoughts and inclination. Be updated. And take
your medications as advised and ignore the “no to medicines “club. Crucially, hold
onto your assets and investments, as long as you are around in this world. And
sometimes it’s a question of mindset, I find super senior citizens sitting at
home. Alone. If possible and in a position to do so, hire a part time driver. And
a maid to cook or an attendant. It will bring in comfort and access to friends
or relatives. Articulate this aspect clearly
if required. It will add value to the Super Golden years.
Watching, observing, meeting, people over the years and interacting has revealed
much and taught much. These got condensed over a period of time. And triggered by
the relentless advise on just what awaits and would happen. And its all too
dark. Maybe a change in perspective is in order.
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