Stereotyping Age ! Probably Cultural !!
Dinesh K
Kapila
A lady, with a presence, self confident, well
travelled and worked over thirty five years, well, she has a problem with
particularly public sector banks. She found over a period of time that if she
went to a branch dressed in a jeans and a shirt or trousers and a coat, she was
addressed as Ma’m or Madam, the interaction was swift and all decisions taken
as accorded from her only and duly accepted from her. Now when she entered the same branch in a
salwar kameez or a cotton sari, she became Mataji ! Mataji, would you like to
operate the locker and horrors, Mataji would you like to renew the FD or ask
Bauji / Sir / your husband first !! Once
she actually told the lady at the counter, come on I am the same person you called
Madam last time. My reasoning, as I shared with her, she should dye her hair jet
black, presently they were greyish white, in a typical salwar kameez, if slightly
crumpled, well, it had to be Mataji (Respected Mother) only who had come to the branch.
Years ago, my Mom was admitted a number of
times to a leading private hospital. She was looked after well. But in her
room, in would enter a nurse, check on her, look at the songs on the TV Set, say sorry and
change it to a religious channel !. Mom would frown, she would be close to seventy
five years plus then, so Mataji she was certainly to the staff. But the repeated insistence on watching the
religious channels only was putting her off ! Mom knew her scriptures and prayers well, but
she, the mahjong and canasta loving lady, was clearly not ready to be slotted
into a staid monotonous slot, that if you are old then its just meditation or
the religious scriptures for you.
We forget, as youngsters, maybe even in our
middle age, that the eighty or eighty plus individual has seen life well,
through its ups and downs and maybe has no intention to simply sit in a corner
and meditate. Or only quote religious scriptures. If they are reasonably fit, then
life is sought to be lived fully to the extent possible. Sometimes, my wife and
I, on our moving around, have come across couples in their seventies moving
around happily and enjoying the sight seeing. Its only our society, multilayered
and complex as it is, that has yet to evolve and realise that oldies come in
different moulds and with varying attitudes and tastes.
A few years back we were at place of a
relative. Other friends and relatives were there. Now we were meeting after a
few years. It was a lovely summerish day, sitting in the lawn, it was an obvious
time for beer. As we opened the bottles, I noticed an old relative, actually
more a very close friend of Dad, looking around as I served the beer. I looked
around and then my cousin said, I am pouring a beer for Uncle, he had realised the
faux pas. Somehow we had just assumed or
thought that as the old gentleman was now aging, the time for a beer was maybe
over, so no one had even offered to do
so. These errors in judgement or in our assumptions we somehow make instantly and
its time we corrected ourselves. It could be food or even an ice cream or a fruit, we have to understand this.
Doctors make such errors galore. As our parents
aged, we found, as a group of cousins, similar stories to tell. A patient may
be eighty years or eighty five years or even ninety years, but he or she is certainly
not ready to go. The person has walked up to the clinic or room, maybe a trifle
slowly, maybe carefully, but without much assistance. The person is alert, has
taken in the surroundings well, but to the Doctor, its an old person, rather
very old person. Many raise their decibel level, forgetting the person hears
just fine or address their queries to the accompanying son or daughter in law. They
forget that the elderly person has his or her own story and fears to share and
needs that assurance, impatience is just a major blunder but it happens. As is said
often, if asked about any dietary restrictions, just give what they like, at
this stage what is left etc, just in front of the old and aging patient. Perhaps
a course or inputs on geriatrics would be ideal at medical school.
And then we have the nurses, imagine nurses explaining something to you, may be she is fifty years or forty five years old, and she calls you Uncle Ji! That too. You are just there for a test and touching sixty years. It hurts. Uncle and then a Ji ! Makes you feel ancient. This placing in a slot is to be prevented, be open.
Earlier, say forty years or even thirty years
ago, it was said that once past sixty five years or so, some exceptional
personalities would stand out or the fauji (army) types, mostly men. The others
just faded away and specially the ladies. Now its different, the ladies are
spry and fit and not willing to just become only loveable docile grandmas
overnight, and the men are equally fit and ready to enjoy each day and year. In
fact as regards the men, a few, an exceptional few, do lead some rather colourful
lives, while in another era not too long ago the colourful characters would
largely have been reciting scriptures sitting on a bed ! It’s a
complex society and structure that we have even today, with layers within each
socio economic class at varying levels of acceptance of certain cultural norms and
adhering to certain predefined parameters or practices.
Change is there, the problems, mainly based on perception
and inherent ingrained attitudes, have one set meeting another set socially or
officially, and at times setting off confused signals. Its amusing to observe
and watch quietly, if you understand where it is coming from.
Honestly, the cultural norms we inherit and
implicitly accept have their reasons and advantages, but that old adage of
studying till twenty five years (Brahmacharya), then working and raising a
family (Grihastha) for the next twenty five years, leading to Vanprastha, the
way of the forest and then Sannyasa – renunciation, well, it gets dinned into
our heads and enters our minds but is not going to work exactly the mandated or
rather advised way, not in the present day times. At least not in some segments and segments. The
minds and cultural thought processes need to be more flexible and accepting of
a fitter, wealthier, mentally more agile and a more adaptable aging population.
That is just about what its all about.
Right observation. But after 60 do what you wish to, not to care what the world thinks,सानू की
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing this sir. The entire battle of Madhumati was really a marvellous and highly commendable operation. I had met Gen Rajinder Nath in Chandigarh a couple of times and every time he spoke about his Bde's operations and and your contributions that played a pivotal role in the success of his operations. He used to speak a lot good words about you and your Sqn. This write up is extremely informative as we hardly knew such details about the actions. These articles should be preserved in the Regimental History for posterity and knowledge of future generations. God bless and regards. Satish.
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