The Cultural Indoctrination Against Women and Girls. A few thoughts.

 The Cultural Indoctrination Against Women and Girls -A few thoughts

Dinesh K Kapila
This issue is now again occupying our minds and thoughts, every now and then an unfortunate dastardly event triggers our thoughts and conscience and then we go back to the status quo. Perhaps not exactly status quo, the situation is much improved then it was just a few decades ago. Data is misleading as many a family chose in earlier times to cover up or brush an incident aside. And stating that as women have stepped out of the confines of their houses, such incidents can happen. This is totally illogical.
But to go back to cultural issues, an acquaintance just shared that in HP, which we consider a socially progressive state, there are still cases where the son is admitted to a private school and the daughter to a government school.
The cultural indoctrination I find is deep rooted and starts with the ladies themselves. Exceptions are there but repeatedly I find post marriage, for example, the mother in law herself is a prime mover or instigator or justifies violence or discrimination.
A case I know, just to underline this, a young lady was married into a good landed family of Punjab. Outwardly educated, charming and sophisticated people, the husband got physically abusive with the young bride just after the wedding when she asked him to drink less. And his mother saw it and looked away. As time passed, this violence would often happen, when the young bride requested her mom in law for counselling him, she actually told her, we are from the landed community as are you. We are a proud people . Forget the education, this is how it is, and stop telling him on how to run his life. We are like this only. Your parents have not guided you.
Or a lady allowing her son, much younger to her daughter, to slap his sister in case she stayed out or got late from college.It seems to be cultural at its roots and many families are evolving but the pace is slow. Or young men deciding when their sisters would go out and whom they could meet.
This is across states and communities and religions. As I hear. Honestly, I am sick and tired of quotes from varied religions and texts and scriptures to indicate we are not like that. To assume a higher position. Take a walk !! This Is the worst charade. Incidents and data are the truth and we must accept it. Look at the skewed gender ratio or the nutritional standards of women as against men. These only point to the malaise but we must quote lofty ideals and verses and chapters. Instead quote the standards we think we have as against the actual situation, be it attitudes or thinking even, to indicate the yawning gap we live with and the need to bridge the chasm.
And the excuses. Twice in my life I came to know somewhat closely about such cases, in one case a young man killed his sister for intending to marry a man of another religion. In another, repeated violence by her husband drove a young lady to suicide. In both cases, I clearly heard discussions, including by the public prosecutor, that the men have children, who would look after them. What is done is done. It was unsettling. This is us a society and our attitudes.
Patriarchy is certainly a concern, more so as political leaders hesitate to take it on or worst, silently actually subscribe to it but outwardly pretend to otherwise. I was recently with a person I thought was in tune with the evolving times, but his observation was why are young ladies seen just carrying a bag at markets while the husband caries the kid. This is destroying the spirit of matrimony. This threw me off in a solid way. What is the crime or embarrassment for a man in carrying his own baby or toddler. Just do it. Such views though do indicate the mindset. And the challenge.
This post carries no data on gender issues such female mortality rates or the like, it can be googled, the actual fact is we need to rethink our attitude and thought processes. Immediately.
I think the religious orders can step in too. Not to preach or to state their own faith by saying and stressing their faith has already multiple sayings and prescriptions on empowerment, but by condemning all negative biases and incidents and irrespective of any bias, be it the Panditji, the maulvi, the granthi or the priest. It matters.
The sad part is that religious preachers often tend to use the prescriptions duly tailored to their own internal biases or as perceived of the society. This applies similarly to many in influence in politics, governance or society. If at all, the tendency or game plan is to cater to a perceived section which may be rigid in its orientation and thinking.
I again emphasise, plenty of families have evolved and moved on. There is a change for the better and I find it cuts across income classes. Young mothers and mothers of teenage girls have an ambition for their daughters and it makes for encouraging others too. And I find it among the poorer classes too. But then the other aspect negative cannot be denied and needs introspection, the inability of our society to make the mental and mindset changes which have to run parallel to the empowerment of women.
There is also a hypocrisy in the praise of empowerment, across classes and officials. One set of dialogues and words when the ladies are present and then another when the ladies are absent. This is actually the challenge as this hypocrisy camouflages the prejudices and makes the task of attitudinal changes that much harder. And political biases should not drive decision making in dealing strongly with eve teasers and the like. This is often a major influence and then impacts adversely governance.
There is also the hostage syndrome or the Stockholm Syndrome.I know of cases where girls rescued from deeply unhappy marriages, where violence was often a routine affair including mental torture, these girls required deep counselling to drive way their guilt that they had left their marriage. That is the degree of alienation from their reality. And the sadder part, when the parents of the girl advise her to stick it through and hope one day it would be worth it. There are plenty of happy marriages, certainly, but such cases are there.
Passing orders to light up corridors or dark areas etc are actually dumbing down this issue, firstly why are budgets not allocated for such aspects and secondly why do administrators routinely slip up. There is a huge contrast in the offices of the layers in governance and those such as doctors at hospitals. It’s our traditional attitudes, operational inefficiency at work and a lack of effective monitoring. That it endangers women at work is just glossed over.
The judiciary has much to accept as blame too, cases take years to reach a conclusion, fast tracking cases of sexual harassment is a must. But above all is a change in social attitudes and culture.
What emboldens young men ro eve tease, chase girls on scooters, feel manly about it and even superior. It’s the families which have failed in grooming them and may have encouraged such behaviour as normal for a man. The Kakaji Syndrome as I say in Punjab. And the inability to accept it’s incorrect.
Our at times rigid separation of the sexes could also contribute to this. Segregation is not the answer but a healthy correct inter mixing of the sexed would promote to some extent better behaviour and attitudes among men.
Ultimately it’s us. As a Society. We and our systems of governance. We fail. There is a change for the better certainly but we need to move a long way.

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feedback

Rape Culture.
Who will change it !

Very well said in the above hard hitting comments by Sh.Kapila.

Kudos.

But that said,
Analyses are a-plenty.
Yet it is
Action that is lacking.

Yet another committee on Sexual Harassment!
The Supreme Court has stepped in, we will await speedy action.

Beti Bachao,
Beti Marvao,
Beti Jalao.

It is no longer a punning matter.
An issue of National Concern.

Yes, all the causes listed are valid
Yes,
Social Mindsets are to change.

But who will bell the cat ??