Secrets are they Really Secrets
Dinesh K Kapila
What is a secret. Something that is not or must not be known by
other people,
covert, stealthy, furtive, clandestine, surreptitious, underhanded, mean done
without attracting observation. secret implies concealment.
This is precisely the problem in our day to day
lives and even otherwise, the moment you say an issue or subject is a secret,
ears are up, people cannot digest food until and unless they know what is the
secret. In any office, just put a paper onto a file and write secret and all
hell breaks lose in the mind and heart. Gossip, the fuel of offices, the
informal communication circuits, are very powerful. Then as the wisdom goes, “Three may
keep a secret, if two of them are dead".
Jealousies, insecurities, a fight and the anger
about it kept well hidden, a simple plain
inability to hold it in, to just have an
urge talk without thinking, all contribute to the secret being a secret as such
but actually it's not a secret. Everybody
knows, nobody concedes they know !. That is us human beings. Once many many years ago, an officer “creatively
cooked” his travel bill for his holiday with his family. Only he knew this. Then
he decided to have a drink with his friends, close pals from his service in the
clerical days. Now this was an alcoholic drink, or drinks, obviously a lemonade
may not really loosen the tongue. Our guy boasted to his friends about his “creative
cooking”, swearing them to be secretive about it. He stressed the secret part.
Next day the head of office called me, I was
his Executive Assistant, he told me to discreetly start checking on this guy
and his creativity. Well, such issues gather their own pace. A few months later
the officer asked me, how come you guys caught on. Simple, I told him. One of
your so called bosom pals leaked it out, your secret !. We are not so gifted,
your paperwork was flawless. Aghast, he told me, these are people I know the
last twenty years. I swore them to secrecy. Well, he learnt a rather
painful lesson. Not only on discipline but to know when to walk away while partying.
Once a lady rang up my wife, she was whispering,
that she had a secret to share. She just wanted to unburden herself. And then she
shared her secret. Over a long chat, stressing again and again it was a secret
and just could not be shared with anyone. Well, we were walking in Sector 17
(our shoppers paradise) one lovely evening, the evening when a fine breeze
blows and tones down the humidity and the sweating. We ran into a friend. A lady
we know well. She said do you know such and such about so and so. Well, there
was a polite very well pretended I have no information about this from my wife.
Now the interesting part, it seems the lady who rang up my wife, she rang up
another lady in another part of the town. And maybe a few others. All were apparently sworn to secrecy. Obviously
well meaning very concerned friends kept ringing each other up, sharing the
secret, stressing it’s a secret, to such an extent, that it was no more a
secret!.
Then you have the Army. Son of a senior Army Officer, I realized by the time I was in college the Army does not have a simple paper or file. They must, it’s a deep rooted organizational characteristic, it’s a must to label each paper sent out as Classified, Restricted, Very Restricted, Confidential, Highly Confidential, Secret, Top Secret and so it goes. I keep wondering about the varied grades of Secrecy of the documents. My father, till he passed away this January, would receive from all the Battalions of his Regiment reports on a certain officer doing well on his course, or a soldier excelling in a shooting competition or a platoon. For that we are grateful, he would write in his own handwriting letters of congratulations or to compliment them. But each such communication from the battalions was invariably stamped “Restricted”. And a gallant action duly conveyed with pride was stamped Secret. I googled, it was already in the media. Well, I can only say it’s ingrained, rather deeply !.
Way back in 1952, my father was the first Indian Army Officer to make a rather arduous risky reconnaissance of Aksai Chin and reported the Chinese interests in the area. He got all the compliments but it was classified then as a very secretive and sensitive matter. Years and decades passed, he was advised no reward was possible in the national interest ! Then when other retired officers wrote about it around 2010 onwards, he was still advised consistently whenever he wrote to them, he wanted to write about it, that it was still very much a Secret !! Maybe they go by "A secret's worth depends on the people from
whom it must be kept".
We humans are such complex creatures, it’s difficult,
rather impossible, to read anyone’s mind. That is the actual secret. What does an individual carry in his or her
heart, what emotions thrive or bubble over there, love, affection, greed, anger,
jealousy, intrigue; we will never know. Actions provide a clue and an indicator
as do words spoken out. We live by that. This, what is actually in the mind, is
the only real secret. I must concede, in addition to alcohol, the most
fundamental emotions which lead to shared secrets not being a secret are greed
and jealousy.
However, where two or more human beings have a mutual interest, specially a negative interest, that can not only be mutually understood secret, but a well kept one too. The Organisational Secrets are another matter, the rewards and punishment systems keep a lid on secrets being leaked out as do strongly worded and vetted legal agreements to stay confidential.
Though there are exceptions here too, I
know a couple of instances at start ups, raising funds of a good magnitude but
the most fundamental of emotions – Greed, driving some founders and investors to act
in concert in secret against often unsuspecting and clueless partners. The best on the organizational scenario was at
SAIL, where I worked briefly in the early eighties before switching over. A certain prominent union
leader was being charge sheeted, I was assisting in the drafting. The union
leader muscled his was in, the Plant Personnel Manager did not bat an eyelid even,
he cooled him down, said let me find out, gave him tea and simultaneously calmly kept
editing the charge sheet. A rather lighter part was when a VIP came calling to inaugurate a power plant which was not really operational. The worthy spoke, the chimney billowed smoke and he left happy, now how that chimney billowed smoke was a widely shared organisational secret at that time !.
Psychologists do point out that secrets have the
effect of enhancing bonding, of increasing the sense of affinity though at
times it imposes a burden on the person who has to desist from sharing it. They
do have a point. Personally, I depend on my wife at certain social events to
know in advance the limits at being forthright or in discussing certain
subjects ! Keeps me safe ! Now that is my secret !
------Love your writing, Danny. 💕
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