This Matchmaking is rather Difficult

 This Matchmaking is rather Difficult ! 

Dinesh K Kapila 

My friends and acquaintances seem to think, to quote Lynda Cohen Loigman, in The Matchmakers Gift, “You have been blessed with eyes that can see the light of soulmates reaching for each other."  I truly wish it was so, at least I could then take pride in connecting souls made for each other. It would help pass the days and maybe bring about the occasional invite to a graceful wedding. That sadly is not to be. All I manage to do is to initiate the process, connect and then the disconnect happens on its own. And well it’s time to move on to another matchmaking attempt. Not that I volunteer, never, it’s dicey and risky, I could land up with all the blame. Or playing peacemaker if they do not get along, rather challenging and you tend to get caught in the middle, like a frightened deer. If you never have advised a young warring couple, you are just so lucky. The warring youngsters just cannot grasp that life has a lack of predictability and the unexpected twists and turns. 

People just seem to think I can steer their children to a good matrimonial match, maybe because I am retired, writing and patiently observing life and what not, God Knows!  Or is it my writer’s look, I do not know what it means but one youngster said that my writer’s look inspired confidence. 

A few days back I was approached for a match, my eyes lit up, a guy well settled in the USA and a super specialist in IT. Now this I thought was easy, success would be mine at last. Then a reality check, the bride to be had to be a veterinarian, a specialist in Dairy and beautiful, graceful and cultured. Now firstly, with due apologies, I have not connected veterinarians with good looks, we all have our biases; then this list left me mystified. I decided to give a perfunctory reply and to let it be. Then came the follow up call, brushing aside my protestations, there were added qualifications, serious ones, the bride to be had to be three years younger or maybe more m in the interest of long term matrimonial harmony, now don’t ask why !  And to top it, had to have a commercial orientation. That really was too much for me, I had to ask just why, well the groom to be had identified a dairy farm cum dairy processing unit as a viable entity, wherever he was working. Hence the qualifications. And requirement. Tell him to hire a dairy expert and set it up was my terse response, this guy is looking for a business partner and not a wife !  He needed to get off his arrogant self and take a walk. 

The major challenge is the guys who have girlfriends, socialise and can party. First the parents are quite ok about it, sometimes even taking a quite pride in the guy being a professional and adept in the social skills. Then as the years pass the parents and sundry uncles and aunts start waiting for the young man to announce Miss so and so is the one for me. Logical. No Sir !! In most cases our young man ultimately panics, develops cold feet and says to his parents to find a suitable match. Mama knows best now. By now quite a few years have passed. Out comes at this stage the long lost page of qualifications and date of birth and the  dreaded words, mother a noble, pious lady !  And of course remembering me !! And  a few like me !  To widen the field. And all those years where the youngster was the life of the party and what not, just gone !!  A friend told me about a family with a  son  in Canada. The son, now well settled, nearing thirty five, wanted to settle down, but with a girl from India only. This was the main condition. As to my asking about a suitableft match in Canada itself, well, I was told to stick to what the son had listed out. To me this smacks of double standards and a lack of confidence too, but I cannot say it during a social interaction. Since I cannot say it, therefore the calls reminding me to find a match continue.  

And for all the talk of gender empowerment and equality and the need to step it up, more than the guys, it’s the parents of the guys who are scared inside about the bride to be. It’s not readily conceded but it’s like, you know girls now a days, how do we know what she will be like. Her attitude, her expectations and accepting certain conventions. One parent went to the extent of saying, the girl is good, we rather like her, bit hopefully she will not over power us! Our son may not be able to balance it. I have heard this many a time. The levers of perceived power are shaking in some cases. Where it goes one cannot say, but it’s perceptible. 

Then there are the guys who must find fault, they have already dreamt of the exact requirements for the bride to be. Far out is the list. One youngster comes back after a meet up and says I want to marry a girl with long slim fingers and hands, the girl I was introduced to has short thick hands. I told his parents, drum some sense into the clown, after jumping over the barriers of the horoscope, narrowing down a rather already thin field, he better agree or stay unmarried. Then he can keep writing poems and looking at the sky !  

By the way many girls are no less a headache, as regards the quest for a matrimonial alliance. A daughter of a senior officer, her horoscope and details was presented to me as a challenge. The challenge was simple, find a guy who can provide her the same level of comforts and pampering as her father had. I decided to concede defeat at this stage itself. With all the Instagram, the girls also scale up the expectations, only that reality is a bit short on the actual status. How to put it across becomes the challenge for a matchmaker, even if the matchmaker is being coerced into being one !  In any case wifey is always calm and straightforward about my attempts. She just smiles. Her thoughts echo Jane Austen, “But, my dear, pray do not make any more matches; they are silly things, and break up one's family circle grievously." Only I took time to grasp it.  So it goes, my quest and failures as a matchmaker !  The list of failures could do with the odd success but that seems unlikely !! Very unlikely !! 

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