About to Retire or Just Retired – Well Encounters of a Different kind !
Dinesh K Kapila
The reality.
Retirement. Specially
in the Government or Government Owned arms, this is known to you while joining itself,
as the seniority list will indicate where you stand in the pecking order and
when you will retire. Well, initially it may seem years away but then it will
be just around the corner and then upon you.
Over the years I watched the process of retirement
and the way each individual sought to play it out. More interesting is how you
suddenly become important a few months before retirement, then at retirement
and for a few months post retirement. Enjoy the process and don’t miss out on
the whole show as it plays out. In any case it cannot be avoided. And then as
suddenly as your nearly exponential increase in importance started, it will just
fade away.
One way or the other, the financial players in
the market come to know about your impending retirement. You don’t have to say
it or even look It, they know. Databases are being mined all the time, your
bank mines your data, your relationship manager knows it and whoever else who
matters in this universe. So start the encounters with a broad variety of
species from the financial world.
You will get a courtesy call, with a prior
appointment et all, and the person
concerned will only discuss your health and heard you are retiring after a few
months and where are you settling down and future plans. It will be a very good smooth interaction and
only in passing you may be told that in case of the need for any advise, he or
she is there. The market is so diverse
and we are there to clear all the confusion, will be the messaging. All the
while you are wondering how come the sudden adherence to protocol and the gift
of a diary and something and the sudden personal interest. Sometimes even two
three officials may call upon as a team too, smiles and all.
Now the days and the weeks will pass, the
interaction remains off and on but now becomes more focused gradually and each
time a new product will be introduced. Over a period of time, the PMS, Mutual
Funds, Insurance Sector products with ULIPs always a priority, pension plans,
etc will all be introduced. Don’t engage in too many discussions, that implies
a deeper interest. Listen and collect the brochures and keep the coffee going
! All of
them will be most courteous and fully convinced about the positives of their
products and its efficacy specifically for you.
By the way, no one, I repeat, no one, mentions
PPF, Post Office products such as Monthly income plans or NSCs / Time
Deposits, RBI Bonds etc. Once and maybe
twice, I did request a rather sophisticated lady, why not ask me what I want,
safety and optimal returns, but she effortlessly replied, her PMS was as safe
as any product we thought was safe. Without batting an eyelid even. I deliberately
requested one official to help me invest in a couple of such products through
his bank, he sheepishly told me, its on the website to satisfy the GOI and the
RBI, but we don’t actually do it !
Meanwhile, due to all these visits and
interactions, around the office some engage in the guessing game, how much does
he own, what’s his portfolio, does he speculate on the markets and so on. It’s
a never ending game, with each day, the total portfolio varies in size ! And
simultaneously, a few from the financial services world may meet you at your
residence itself. By now you are busy
with signing off on varied forms and papers, dealing with the office, planning
your future and what not. This can be a
welcome distraction at times and at times well, just a formality to be done
with. But do enjoy every encounter.
But your importance is now peaking, the
importance was building up gradually all through the months and is now on a
natural flow towards peaking. So you must enjoy the process as it is not going
to happen again in a hurry unless you win a lottery. Then D Day dawns and you retire, nearly all
who have met you or interacted by calls with you, will message you or call up.
But those from the NBFC space and the like, if they have cooled off by now, may
not call you at all. They have done their assessment, that this guy is a write
off, he is not playing along. My own
feeling is they must be cursing quietly.
Now the importance is at its peak and stays
there for a month or so, as they all have the inside track on you, either from
your account or from a colleague who may let slip the schedule of release of
funds or they just know. The relationship guy or the investment guy will throw
in his hat and will first try personally. Meanwhile he may bring along the
insurance guy with an array of products well upto 100 years of age or even beyond.
Its just the answer to your investment worries. Even if you convey I have a
pension, the stress will be on this product and then ULIPs and what not. Its no
use arguing the rate of return, its all a hard sell. If you inform that in the
last insurance policy you earned nothing, literally, the answer always is that
was earlier, now it’s a different ecosystem. It can be all too
overwhelming.
Next comes the Wealth Manager, always a rather
urbane guy, talks softly, looks the part and has all the world and Indian
economic data at his fingertips, the historical context and trends, his wisdom
and that of his company and the double digit returns in the offing. Its
fascinating to just listen and absorb all these data points and trends with
never a mention of recession or any negativity. I met three of them in a short while, since I was not going to invest anyway,
I just focused on their commonalities. Urbane, invariably in a suit, expensive
diary, expensive pen and a laptop, a cultivated air and very well mannered. Their
aura simply shouts, just leave your money and your financial worries to us. The
insurance guys on the contrary tend to be more target oriented mostly, Good
Morning Messages and what not and then it tends to taper off as the days go by.
As you would have guessed, by now the peak of
importance is now on a decline, a
secular decline, as they say. The world which you have inhabited, with so many
players from the financial sector suddenly entering it, now tends to change in
character. The calls and messages fade away and so doo the mails. Suddenly, a
few months later, you realise, hey where did they all go ! then it could be a
one off, every time a new Mutual Fund is launched or an Insurance Product, you
may still be remembered. By a message mostly, rarely, maybe a call. But one can
be so cynical, one wished me Good Morning out of the blue and I was all at sea
thinking as to what it was all about. Sure enough by evening came the details
of a product. Guys, at least be more polished about it !
In fact, I had a rather disconcerting
experience at a large bank, a very very large bank. We went over to invest in a
fixed deposit, the lady at the Fixed Deposit counter herself printed out a
sheet of paper, explaining why we just needed to invest in a Mutual Fund, if
not that then an Insurance Product and then if not that then in a Bond. We just
wanted a plain vanilla Fixed Deposit but retreated rather tamely in the face of
such steely determination on her part to diversify our lines of investment.
Then there was an investment guy, I rang him up to invest in a particular
series of bonds, he was sort of very casual. I was also getting the message when
he asked the amount. I told him a tentative figure and told him I may or may
not actually invest or even that much. Twenty minutes later, he was at my
house, having traced my address from an earlier small investment ! I was rather
surprised, but he was all so polite and ready to just take the cheque. Post the investment, I have not heard from
him again, not even a Happy Birthday !
Just by the way, I found the process of investing in Small Savings Products very interesting. You invest at the counter, braving the queue and the at times brusque manners, but if you do invest, you get the receipt and the incentive there and then only. And when the lady who was a regular there was on leave, her substitute gave me an even higher incentive ! But never a smile or acknowledgement but I must say they are rather efficient at their work and processes. No financial analyst talks about them but they are there in the ecosystem. With an incentive.
Incidentally, a potent weapon to apply when
faced with too much pressure to invest in a product, about which you may have
your own internal assessment is to simply say let me study it and keep studying
it until they give up or say let me discuss with my wife. The wife is the
“Brahmastra’ and to be applied selectively but any such reference results in an
immediate cessation of a pressure. A way to tackle unsolicited calls or when you
have no interest in a particular product is to simply say on the phone that I
have retired ! watch the silence and the disconnection. Its lightning fast.
Efficiency then is at its best.
So that is how it is. You get the importance
then more importance, then even more importance, then you coast on being very
very important and the it all changes to a little less important, then a little
lesser importance and then it just sort of falls off.
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