This Obsession with death and staying as a memory

 This Obsession with death and staying as a memory

Dinesh K Kapila

I watch quite a few channels dealing with religion or spirituality in the morning hours. Have to. Suitably trained by wifey over the years !! Specially post retirement. ! Not grumbling, I do clarify ! Our viewing can cross religions and sects, no problems on that.

However, something I must point out is this obsession with death, of many discourses, many a preacher or sant or priest or whatever we label them, they have to mention death and to state we need to be prepared for it. This period of life we all live is just a journey, a short journey between birth and death. Hell is a reality. Be ready. Heaven awaits us. Narak and Bhagwan Yama and Swarg. Janat. All this gets stressed or mentioned. A direct correlation is often drawn, praying and following certain pathways and in some cases even undertaking certain actions or rituals will only lead to peace and harmony and eternal freedom or Moksha, in the hereafter. Some say if not we will wake up from our death. Adversely. if we do not follow a certain divinity truly. Some say we will live on, the soul. And unhappily. The fact is death is the primary focus, if not upfront, then the hidden agenda. Fear for the after life is driven in, so be good, lead a life of charity and happiness and clarity and ethics. Look for Moksha. This life is only to suffer through. That is another message. Janat is the reality. This life as we lead it is an illusion, everything is an illusion. What is reality is post death only. This is endless, some write books to drum it in, some do podcasts.

What about saying lead happy and productive lives, be correct and ethical, you may not achieve all you set out to do but may achieve partially and when your time is up, well, it’s time up and off you go. Six feet under or on a pyre, but it’s done and dusted. Enjoy the life you have, conduct yourself well, be courteous and ethical, look after your health, be strong and have the knowledge and awareness. And leave something to your divinity or if not your divinity then fate or luck or fortune or chance. That is about all to sum up. The essence of it. Pray certainly, I do too, pray to the Divinity you follow and have faith in, but I draw the line at thinking that the prayer we do is to lead to happy hours and happy times after you conk off. Pass on. As they say, Poore ho Gaye. We need to lead happy, fulfilling and productive lives, with dignity and culture. In the now. That is religion and understand that. And know your religion and culture certainly. But do not do it for the hereafter.,Do it for the present.,Standing up for what is right and otherwise too living it out with positivity. Doing all this now, including praying sincerely, will surely lead to peace now and in the next phase too, which no one has seen but Is discussed often. And vividly.

Though straying away from the issue, even if partially, I once asked at a dinner at home, a successful Entrepreneur, a well known Doctor, a successful Professional and one more eminent personality about what role they allocated to hard work, persistence, character, education, skills, networking and the blessings of divinity / fate. The essence, all said more than fifty percent of their success came by the blessings of their divinity / fate. This is in the now. Their present lives. The Gurujis and Preachers and Priests and the like should understand this, it’s crucial, we first have to lead happy, fulfilling and meaningful lives in the now, focus on that. And this is not a life of pain and suffering. And all that. It’s a mix of everything, sad, happy, pain, bad health, good health, wealth, less money, it’s all there. It’s interwoven.

And it’s a real life we lead, we are born, get nurtured, evolve, learn social norms, procreate, work, invest, deal with sorrow, undergo happiness and go off finally to whatever there is or awaits us.

Add to this s desire among many to live on, their memories to stay on, this I can accept to some extent but if one worries about it, no, that is not done. Leave it to your progeny, friends, relations, the depth of your relationships and your contribution to society or nation or family, to live on. But worry or thinking about it, it leads nowhere. An old couple I know in a neighbouring city called me over recently, the issue was simple. When one of them would pass on, the other partner would ensure the family, mainly the children, not only gave a good farewell but hosted a good happy party for old friends too. Now the problem was how to ensure the children and family organise a similar happy and good farewell, including the vibrant party, when the surviving partner passed on. The party was important. Close to their heart. For friends since long and well wishers. Both had led fulfilling lives. Great lives. My first reaction was this was an issue for my son Prashant, a lawyer with his own practice, but then realised this was more an issue of execution of a mandate. A wish. I thought we could decide the components of the party - menu, drinks, venue etc or allocate a sum in the will or specify the invitees, but what if the children, fully grown adults themselves, did not have the intent. As I finally conveyed after protracted loud thinking, no one including them could come back to enforce this or to pull up or scold, that was the crux, no one ever had. So let it be, call my son if you like, but this was more the fulfilment of a wish then anything else. It’s upto the children.

This may have been a unique example but variations abound. One elder I know had a trust and told me that was his legacy. His successors dissolved the trust. That was that. There can be no action on this. Books may sell, may not sell. Books may get misplaced. I was discussing this with an acquaintance, he came to learn managing talent and youngsters from me, I decided to exchange this view with him. In his family, some ancestor, decades ago, wrote noteworthy books, but today nobody had a copy but all knew an an ancestor wrote good books on philosophy and the like, there was a pride about it but no book was preserved as the family kept multiplying.

A senior civil servant once confided he felt so very upset, as a senior officer, while in service, he inaugurated a major residential project, his name was engraved in marble on the wall. Post retirement, a few years later, he visited the particular city by chance, he and his wife took pains to reach the major residential project, only to find the marble plate and wall was missing. The accompanying officer, sent along by the Deputy Commissioner, seemed more to have a smile though he pretended to be upset. And then planting trees with a thin board in steel with your name upon it, unless you are in the too echelons or political leadership, the plates disappear. And on walls they get covered. It’s a desire to be remembered but most jobs are revolving doors, people rise and occupy offices and go. So certainly do have the ritual board and the like but beyond that, enjoy the feeling when you inaugurate or plant a tree, but know inside, it may not last your period of life on Earth ! Once you realise this and know it, enjoy the process and go about it with humour and a good nature.

I have seen petty jealousies drive out memories of good noble people too and their contribution. If your successor had his own grouses or ambitions or desire to stand out immediately, the easiest way often is to drive down the achievements of your predecessor. Subtly, quietly, the office often plays along, they after all live in the present. A long career and interactions with a large cross section has often brought out this crucial aspect to me. It’s all a flux.

If your role was crucial in whatever context, you achieved something noteworthy, your character was sound, your leadership astute, then may be over time, some references and memories stay on over decades. For the absolutely high achievers and leaders and heroes that will be a given, but for all others, the anonymity of time awaits. That is a fact. Accept that inside with grace and then carry on with enthusiasm and happiness.

Once when a well known person told me that he was happy with life and achievements and that of his ancestors but the fact he had two daughters made him apprehensive about his legacy. I indirectly asked him about how many ancestors he remembered, like me, he ran out of names at great grandfather! That I told him was the essence, what do you remember ! Talking about legacy. If you have done well, you will be remembered as a memory, else fading out is natural and that is how it is.

So cheer up, lead happy fulfilling lives, enjoy the process, invest well if you can, empower some people if you can, love your family and love you relations if it’s reciprocated, pray and be ethical, know your culture and that is that. Do not worry too much about the hereafter. And the memories for others. It’s the now that matters mainly.

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FEEDBACK

Also, I just finished reading the article you shared. As usual very bang on. Live fully, passionately but without ego and attachment. Very well written Dinesh

The simple point I made is that democracy without values - examples listed - has limited use. There will be no progress if satisfied with status quo.

Death is a one-day affair while life lasts for years! Life is not between birth and death: Life is until death!

Bdw, we will never encounter our death. We will not be there to experience it. We won't know we're dead. Others will find out this.

Death cannot be painful. Pain is a sign of life! When pain crosses the threshold, the body shuts off senses. We die in peace. All of us. Each one of us.

But death has been a sound business for thousands of years! For lakhs of people, in each generation. A marketed myth, manufactured fear.

And, the greed of an afterlife -which is nothing but an extension of our false need to elongate the span and to perpetuate ourselves, by other means!

Priests and preachers enjoy prosperity in this life by promising it to us in the next life -an unverified, unenforceable "future option"!

Full of facts, except the last sentance as I dont find reasons for people to be jubiliant about rebirths. It is a pain as you rightly said rather than a celeberation and I doubt whether it could be sold??!! Selling rebirths as a joyful event is quite a stretch it’s more of an inevitable cycle than a reward. What truly matters is whether one is ascending towards freedom from the cycle.....

I loved the following sentence

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“Priests and preachers enjoy prosperity in this life by promising it to us in the next life -an unverified, unenforceable "future option"!”

As for the uncertainty and anxiety associated with it, it’s like an officer and his family getting anxious about what awaits them at their next place of posting.

Read this one.

An interesting perspective.

Just to borrow a few lines from your piece, the reality is

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“Six feet under or on a pyre, but it’s done and dusted.”

Surprised reading an article on a serious note and deeper tone , by an author who generally write with a humorists flavour
Write up is totally relatable for any rational person .
Thanks for sharing 🙏

Interesting!! Sir, one of the all times greats of behavioral finance, Daniel Kahneman, 'passed away' last year. And here are his thoughts on this topic. Worth reading.
Regards,
Sandeep

Great post! Philosophy often challenges us to think beyond the surface and question our assumptions. It's fascinating how it can shape our perspectives and decision-making processes.

Dinesh Sir, your reflections on the obsession with death and legacy resonate deeply. It’s a poignant reminder that while spiritual teachings often emphasize the afterlife, our focus should be on leading a fulfilling and ethical life in the present. Enjoying our journey, nurturing relationships, and finding purpose here and now brings the most joy. Ultimately, it’s not the fear of the unknown that should drive us, but the richness of our current experiences and the connections we cultivate. Thanks for sharing such thought-provoking insights!

You are a great writer with so much substance.
Please give a talk in school to the staff & students on a regular basis 🙏🏼🎊