Guys - Some could be real Kadoos in Love !!!!!

 My Observation- Some Guys are Kadoos (simpletons) in Love.? 

DK Kapila

Truly. The word in Hindi, Kadoo, a pumpkin - which at times is used as a word for being a simpleton - describes the guys forlorn in love completely. 

Of course we can ask ourselves Are Guys Kadoos (simpletons) in love. Let us keep the females out on this one. Here’s what I know. These are all recent cases. A cross section socially and economically truly and left me puzzled. And sort of bemused. In any case I love to hear stories of human interest, and stories of love and then being out of it, even more. Now let us see what I have recently been hearing about or maybe observed earlier.  

Kadoo One - Very well to do. He wooed the girl for years. The marriage lasted a few weeks. All of us knew immediately it was not going to last. Except the guy himself ! As they say the guy is always the last to know, well it's true. 
Kadoo Two - The guy is from a Good Upper Middle Class Family. Always focused upon his studies and work with a minor outing here and there. And then he fell in love ever so swiftly. Headlong into love as they say. The girl was from his flourishing technology sector. Both were productively engaged in working and it was a whirlwind  romance and then the engagement.  Marriage followed immediately. They just could not stay apart. It was all so much like a fairytale. Post marriage, the girl, now the bride and daughter in law, gave all the relatives of our so much in love guy the absolute royal ignore. Totally.  Right away from the beginning she was giving  out all the negative vibes. Now the lovebirds don’t get along. Not getting along at all is the rating on the compatibility index.  The marriage- well it will be a miracle if it works out. This after his parents found him an apartment deliberately well away from theirs and furnished it fully. The guy says he does not know what has hit him. He looks mentally zapped. 
Kadoo Three - A typical traditional middle class family milieu. A Well educated professionally qualified guy. He just fell in love with the first girl he met once he settled somewhat professionally. He wooed her with immense patience as the girl had her niggling doubts. But love conquers all. They got married with the parents on both sides looking warily at each other. I could sense it and told my wife, who as usual shrugged it off. Now, the Marriage- well it’s over. Months. That’s all. And the guy is at sea. Both were North and South on culture and life. Only he realised it later.  
Kadoo Four - A Poor guy, more in the lower middle class sense. Wooed the girl for years. Educated her from his own low salary. The Marriage- well it’s shaky. They are at times staying apart. The marriage could just finish off with one more quarrel. She really can fight and our guy says how could she hide this aspect ! I told him, well you are the joker then ! The kadoo. The guy is a simple guy and is puzzled and dazed. It’s like a bulldozer hit him.

Kadoo Five - The guy is a A Banker. Qualified. And went through a tough examination to get selected as a banker in a major bank.  And he is from a gracious family.  Then he fell in love. She worked in retail at a premium store and he met her there. She is the only child. Four years after marriage he realises she is actually not divorced from her first husband and was seeing him regularly from the beginning of their marriage. She says she loves both men equally. He is absolutely traumatized. The divorce is of course natural but it has impacted his career. This left me also thinking ! 

Kadoo Six - Now here I am clubbing the story of two separate guys. The first guy, well it was the Boyfriend, girlfriend and steady relationship story. Both studied at Delhi. He coached her also for the competitive examinations, while studying himself. He did not qualify the Civil Services but did qualify the competitive examination of a major financial institution. Then she qualified for the Civil Services and that was that ! He was alone. All alone. She dumped him just like that. The second guy was even more unfortunate and hence a bigger / larger kadoo. Boyfriend and girlfriend both passed the examination to qualify as officers in a major financial institution and decided they would get married. Meanwhile the girlfriend's brother qualified the Civil Services. He told her our social status has improved and I can get a better match for you. The boyfriend got the good bye its over message by a message! On whatsapp. What a role reversal, the guys being dumped with bruised egos and wondering where did the steady part of the relationship just go. I could only say, Gender Parity !.  

Kadoo Seven - Now here we have a well qualified guy in finance and employed in a premier consultancy. Highly rated professionally. His girlfriend is (now was) an Engineer cum MBA from purely second rung institutions. The she was located at another metro on an assignment for a considerable length of time. But then flying to each others cities kept them in touch and planning the next phase of life. On a two hours flight to the guy's city she was sitting next to a IIT IIM pass out. A well placed guy. The end result. She dumped the original guy stating as a finance guy he would always be somewhat dull. The original guy goes around all perplexed as to how a coveted finance qualification suddenly turned so low brow. and dull ! All in one flight.  He even had to see expert help as he was so shattered. 

Kadoo Eight - This one is different, he falls in love with one girl but then cannot help get involved with Miss Eligible two and maybe Miss Eligible Three too. There could be Miss Eligible Four and Five too. However essentially he wants to be with Miss Eligible  One. But  simultaneously he honestly wants to be connected with all of them.  Meanwhile most of the eligible ladies got to know about him and then cornered him. He retreated but only for a while. Undeterred he is trying again, he is a honest  trier, I must say. but now he does feel that his  options are running out. So the search has now widened. He is looking for the one who includes all the attributes he seeks. He now to my surprise reads books on astrology to find the ideal Miss Eligible while simultaneously trying honestly on his quest for the only one, only waiting for an opportunity and the discovery of such a lady.     

Kadoo Nine - This one is a puppy love story. Strictly, it should not be finding a place here but I just have to. Its puppy love and that too one sided and destined to fail. But amusing. Of a guy in his late fifties falling flatly for a much much younger lady colleague. He just fell flat, his eyes would just light up on seeing her and take on a rather puppyish expression. I would wait to see the expression whenever i visited him and quietly enjoy it. He was making an abject fool of himself and so totally. A lovelorn guy and all so lost in those moments. Then he said when quietly counselled that he felt it was magic or even black magic the way he felt so captivated and smitten !! It was so difficult to just acknowledge he was making a fool of himself. But it was enjoyable.       

     

Their identities remain with me. I know of a few other similar cases. What do these guys discuss while being in love and going through the period of courtship. I really want to know. Now compatibility and manners and family culture and lack of adjustment are being cited by many of them. Even insecurity though I wonder at this. One says his fiancee, post marriage, suspected him consistently of having sundry affairs. And then issues like being unable to manage a house. Or to be cultured enough to at least be courteous to the In laws. Then the coded Social status. Ok fine. I think we certainly get the point and the drift. 

What was being discussed then throughout the wooing and getting to know each other phase and once marriage was being decided as an option. After all time and man hours were involved. It’s not easy to be consulting lawyers so early. And it’s expensive and there is the property angle too, though not always. In case the divorce is there, all such concerns come into play.  

About the girls I will focus on the affliction of I will cure the poor guy syndrome later. This seems to be a death wish or an affliction in some girls. The sheer urge to cure the guy of his attitude, aggressiveness, laid back attitude, over drinking etc etc. Or thinking she can manage his parents who happen to be living in another cultural mode and milieu altogether. And then follow the tears and trauma. I  just must add of a guy who fled to another town temporarily so as to convey that a break up was on to his girlfriend, the moment they went steady she brought out a list of modifications required at his house, from the windows too the curtains and what not. He simply had to flee.  

 
So do some real world talking too. Sincerely. And assess your couple quotient realistically. While courting. Think Culture and Compatibility and such issues too. Or just maybe consult me !! Seriously. I am always available for any assessment. Or advise. 

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